10 Tips To Regain Your Power After A Painful Breakup

Sherley standing in a basketball field in her sunglasses with blue skies in the background

Being hurt by your significant other is hard. It is especially heartbreaking if that hurt includes infidelity. Yet still, cheating is a poor choice that so many of us make. I will say, it is not my right to question anyone’s lifestyle or choices. It is their life for them to live as they please. But you have to know what kind of lifestyle you are open to living, make that known to your partner, and agree on these decisions. Whether polygamous or monogamous, not being honest about your whereabouts and entanglements creates a breeding ground for infidelity. But you can move forward after you’ve found yourself in the midst of a dishonest relationship. 

I am here to let you know that your life does not end after someone cheats on you. Yes, you will be hurt. Yes, the pain cuts deep. So deep. Trust me. I preach from experience. So when I say that I understand, I mean it. Please listen when I tell you to hold your head up high and keep moving forward. Take the time that you need to heal and do not put a number on it. You will not be better in two weeks or two months. It may take more than six months. It may take going to therapy for an indefinite amount of time.

Get the help that you need to heal and do not feel ashamed about it. Take the time you need to rebuild what was shattered and know that you can and you will indeed rebuild. So do not allow any situation to dim your light. As a matter of fact, I am going to provide you with 10 tips to help you reclaim the power you have over the course of your life. Are you ready? Here we go. Hold onto these 10 tips:

10 Tips To Regain Your Power

1. Remove negative thinking

Learning how to manage your thinking is not an easy task. But you have the power to control everything that you think about. We must learn how to remove the negative thoughts that pop into our head. Begin or end your day with affirmations. Start a gratitude jar or board and pick something out from the jar or off the board when you need to steer your brain toward positive thinking. Shifting your mindset is work.

Remind yourself of the positivity all around you is something that you must consciously make an effort to do. Maybe a good practice would be to hone a way of thinking every two weeks. For instance, for two weeks, begin integrating into your life not saying, “It’s okay,” when it’s not. By acknowledging your feelings, you are telling the world that you have agency and you matter. Finding ways to stand in your existence and stand firm can transform the way that you see yourself and the way that others see you. So stand tall and let others see you tall.

2. Accept that you may have to separate from your partner

Separation may be necessary to allow yourself the time you need to figure out what you would like to do with the rest of your life and who you see on that journey with you. Separation may be long term or short term. There is no real way of knowing until you are on that path.

Both of you simply need to be honest about this and be patient with each other while you figure out how to be together, apart or how to be apart and reunite when it’s right. What you must remember is to do what is best for you. You may not know right away because you will be grieving a relationship. Always wait to make big decisions when emotions are not high. You want to have a clear head when making decisions and sometimes space, separation will give your mind room to breathe and think about these decisions more logically.

3. Pray

Prayer is so powerful.  I am a woman of faith and I believe that prayer does change things. The combination of prayer and tithing, sowing into a future that you can’t see but know is full of the best things to come for you is so powerful. So claim it. Claim that future. Stake a claim in it. It’s yours.

4. Meditate

Setting the mood for time to yourself, clearing your mind and practicing natural breathing exercises helps you regain control of your body, mind and spirit. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. There is no one right way to meditate, so find what works for you.

5. Take time off

If you can, I encourage time off from work. Take a mental health day because sometimes, two days a week is not enough time to both take care of our personal responsibilities and rest. When you are going through something life-changing in your personal life, you may unintentionally show it at work. Those with empathy will understand but keep the two separate, especially at this sensitive time in your life will be better for everyone. You do not want your personal life to bring down your professional life. So take the day off if you can afford to.

6. Watch the company you keep

Some people do not realize that they are hurting you rather than helping with the advice that they give. Someone who has not been in your situation, in my opinion, cannot provide solid advice. This does not mean that their advice is wrong. It is simply not applicable to the real situation that you are going through. People will always have something to say so it is important to refrain from communicating with people who will negatively talk about your partner or the situation. Do not fall trap for the “leave them” chatter. That needs to be your choice, not the choice of your friends. Have people in your circle who will not only validate you but give you space to come to the conclusion honestly about what’s ahead.

7. Exercise

Exercise will not only clear your head but renew and refresh your body. Whether it’s twenty minutes a day or however long you choose twice or three times a week, moving your body on a regular basis outside of your daily grind will give you the clarity you didn’t realize you could get so easily in this way.

8. Keeping yourself busy is fine

Find a hobby. Learn something new. Staying busy will help you keep your mind away from negative thoughts. While you don’t want to overdo this and completely shut out your problems and not face them, there is a time and a place to throw in all of your energy to a hobby. So enjoy this time and don’t feel guilty about it either.

9. Do not bury the issue

Do not act as though what transpired did not happen. Refusing to talk about it is not healthy for your soul. You have to talk about the situation. It is all part of the healing process. It won’t be easy but it is necessary to work through.

10. Talk to a professional

Find a good counsellor or therapist. We already know that talking to your friends is “free therapy” but seeking the help of a professional should definitely be something to consider. Do not be afraid to seek psychological help. This is normal. Life can be tough at times and the last thing you want to do is hold feelings in and build resentment. A professional can help you unpack things that you need in a safe, unbiased space. The best practices for you to heal submerges. You will understand your triggers and how best to cope. Friends are life-saving but so are professionals in the mental health community. You may even find out that you may benefit from medication and that is okay too. Don’t be shy. Be open. Now is the time to be open.

Come back stronger

Regaining your power is vital because you may be at one of the weakest points in your life. Remember, you are not being punished and you did nothing wrong. Life is not always as perfect as we like to picture it in our mind. We are not taught anything about building and maintaining healthy relationships and let’s be honest, parents really do not know what to do to prepare you for a relationship. We’re all struggling. The good news is that every relationship you are in is an opportunity to offer your best self.

Regain your power for you and don’t apologize for trying because that’s more than so many people out there who get stuck in a rut. You are more than any “failure” in your life. So when you wake up each morning, prove to yourself that this is the case. Conquer the day and don’t let anyone take your joy for a second more than they already have. Your time is now. Bask in it.

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